Avid Diva - teachings for your new life

Last Monday we talked about the fears associated with procrastination.  The last fear mentioned was the fear of commitment. Today we go a little deeper.

For all of us procrastinators, there is a possibility we are afraid of commitment.  Why?  Because once you make a commitment (even if it is only in your head) to do something, you either do it or you feel like a failure.

The experts think that procrastinators feel safer if we do not commit.  But guess what?  If you never do anything, you are not going to progress.  In a sense, you are failing anyway.  And as we discussed in earlier posts, what is the big deal about failing?  Failing is how we learn. 

I ask you, if this is your reason behind procrastinating, commit to quit procrastinating and try something.   Feel the fear and do it anyway and then, tell me all about it.

Are you afraid?

Last Monday, we defined things in our to-do list.  Then we discussed your to-don’ts.  Today, we are looking at the things you say you don’t want to do when in reality, you are afraid to tackle them or complete them.

Experts say there are three main reasons for fear:  fear of success, fear of failure or fear of commitment.  Let’s look at this a little deeper.

Some of us are afraid of success.  If we get it right, then, why didn’t we get it right before?  Well, I believe that everything happens at the perfect time.  Maybe your skill set now accomodates the challenge.  Now you might have resources you did not have before.  Things are going to happen when you are ready to receive them.  Enjoy the moment.  Don’t question it and don’t compare it to anything else that has happened before or you expect that might happen later.  Also, keep in mind: the only person you have to please is you.  Do not even think about what others might read or interpret or expect from you in the future.  It is not a healthy way of living. 

If you are afraid of failure, here is a news flash for you.  During your lifetime, you have failed many times.  How do I know?  Because in order for you to learn something you have to attempt it.  You did not walk the first time you tried.  You fell on your behind many times.  If you know how to ride a bike or skates, you have failed too.  The difference is that in your head, those things are fun.  And now, it is real life.  Who says that failing now can’t be fun AND educational?  Do not take your life so seriously.  Be like a kid, filled with wonder and try something new every day.  If you are feeling afraid, try smaller things until you stretch that part of you.  And always remember:  feel the fear and do it anyway.

The last fear was a discovery for me.  There are experts talking about fear of commitment as being one of the main reasons for procrastination.  Why?  Because once you start something, you make a commitment to do it.  Some people are not good at committing.  It is easier to “try”.  Next week, I will tell you what I have learned about this theory.  In the meantime, your homework is to look at your to-don’ts, figure out what fears are keeping you from tackling these tasks, and as you “hug” your fear, do it anyway.  And when you do, tell me all about it.

Recently, I’ve been asking several questions to find out what do you want to read about.  The topic of procrastination seems to be a hot button.

You told me you wanted to learn how to deal with delayed tasks.  You said that you keep forgetting some of your to-do items.  You mentioned you had a lot on your plate.

So, I asked you:  why do we procrastinate?  And your answers were very interesting.  Many of you felt you procrastinated out of fear, some of you said it was postponed decisions and two of you think we are just lazy.

I went out in search of more answers, researching other coaches, teachers, books, magazines, psychologists…after all, I am the queen of procrastinating.  I mean, it took me two weeks to actually sit down to transfer these notes to my computer

But before I tell you what I discovered, I want to fill you in on a little secret.  Procrastination is a symptom.  Until you figure out why you are leaving things for the last minute, you will not be able to solve the problem.

Next time, we will discuss some things you should be thinking about as you tackle your daily tasks, specially those tasks that you never get around to.